In my last blog I wrote about change. I am hoping I inspired many of you to think of change as a new experience and how it can enhance your life.
Change also helps us define our identity. Without understanding who we are and what makes us unique we are unable to communicate clearly and respect our relationships with family members and other individuals we work and socialize with.
Successful relationships are made up of two people, both of whom have a clear sense of self. In a family business this can be tricky as each member plays a different role that creates “boundary confusion.”
Setting clear distinct boundaries are especially hard for women. We can even get caught in the middle of a conflict with a family member (known as a triangular situation). As a caretaker we want to make peace and resolve the problem, but, bluntly, we should mind our business.
When you look at a family business, where do most conflicts really start? Ultimately they start with the boundary issues. Boundaries separate our thoughts from our feelings, yet they structure relationships. They are as real as a fence or a border. If we ignore them we are in danger of losing the relationship.
So you might ask what can you do to set boundaries and minimize conflict. If you are working in your family business you must be aware of your objectives, in the business and the family and clearly define your role.
If you work with your husband and struggle with the problems of your small business, do you bring the problems home at night? Even more difficult can be adhering to boundaries if your place of business is in your home.
We tend to emotionally trespass, but if we are aware we are crossing the line we can remedy the situation by stepping back. We all have a capacity for boundary intelligence and can be exercised when lines are being crossed – whether it’s you doing it or someone else.
I recall an incident between my husband and my son in our family business, when my husband came to me complaining about my son’s conduct during a client meeting. He wanted me to cross the line and talk to my son. Rather than my fix the situation I should have told him to speak directly with my son and tell him the way he felt. It was not my place to reprimand, but rather my husband to deal directly with my son.
Maintaining healthy boundaries can be an exciting adventure and liberating. You might be aware when someone else trespasses, but may now be aware when you are the one trespassing. Come up with a mutually organized boundary plan — think of it as a business plan for boundaries. It is very effective and will help eliminate many of the ongoing conflicts.
Till we meet again.
Family Matters!
Rosann
